holidays

So it's about that time of the year where everyone is wishing everyone else a happy new year and we are all either taking stock or organising our new year's resolution lists...
Forgive me but I refuse to partake in rituals that having nothing to do with me. Yes, I have had a relaxed festive season, one where I have chosen to be with fewer energies, well actually the ones that matter have made an uber awesome time of this year"s festive season.

What I have learnt is that I have always known that I am not a pack orientated person so I have therefore lost all interest in things that require an "us" element friendship-wise, please note this excludes the when in a relationship aspect. It is so much easier to create your own happiness rather than to be present in the societal norm that leaves your soul debilitated after a season meant for rest.

The greatest surprise is that my bestest friends are happy whether we have spent time together or not this festive season and that is all that matters, that we are doing things that make us happy.

Euphoria is having old family friends walk through your front door without having announced their passing through, this for me makes me feel like i'm a little girl again and life is simple. Those truly were the best of times. I hope one day my kids, nephews and nieces and friends kids will know what I grew up with. May they  too be raised by a village that works in-cohesion.

I have had a lot of pleasant surprises and I thank the universe for all the love.
Lost a few wonderful people this year yet it was all in God's time so we will either shed a tear or pour some liquor on the ground in their memory, may the ones who have left earth be eternally blessed.

Light and love to all who pass through my writing rants, may the new year bring you peace love and happiness, may all things asked from a good space be answered.

Hopefully in the new year this space will grow and keep up with the times.
 To those travelling may travelling mercies be with you.

Dear Universe
Thank you for the lessons, love and light as well as the moments of utter craziness and zen.
signed:
a daughter of the soil
one who is of you
 P.S. may awareness leave me (us), may we forever strive to be in your element at our best.

amagoduka

aah amagoduka nkosi yam.... Bless the universe for the people who've made it home to bless my space.

Ke Dezemba Boss seems to be on everyone's  tongue lately.... Am I wrong for not being of this space? It feels like just another day of the week until I remember that oh, no actually the yr will end and a new one will begin ok, oh, well...

Happiness is not materialistic, it's not partying until the sun comes up even though that is fun sometimes, it's not about crowds nor is it travelling in packs to do stuff deemed fun...
Happiness is being, it's finding comfort in your own skin whether you're alone or in a group.... It's being surrounded by love in it's pureness and simply being aware of self and surroundings.

My Family is awesomeness from the blood relatives to the ones I've acquired through friendships or merely just bumped into in this life. The lessons are plenty.

On lessons I've noted Talib Kweli using the #lessonsfrom2011  and Lee Kasumba #thingsilearnt so we all get a little introspective around this time of the year...

 We have been places and have learnt from eye opening experiences. We are breathing in anticipation for the new year, some of us trying to play safe and not make plans that will change with a hat trick blink of an eye... WE ARE GROWN WHETHER WE LIKE IT OR NOT(as told by the aproaching year)!!!!!!!!


May the New year bring with it even more love and light, Zen filled moments covered in euphoric bliss!!!!
May we all be blessed with good health, wealth as well as spiritual tranquillity in our growth, may our minds be open to enlightenment. May our third eyes be open, may ourselves flourish and grow from seeds to ever lasting trees...


Bless you children of the soil.


a home is not a home without the warmth of those that inhabit it. 
May travelling mercies be with all those travelling throughout the silly season.

In my foolishness I forget I have followers making this space more about just dropping in when I can, really... What a surprise to get a message asking me: "when do we get pics with your blog?" I have toyed with the idea but never really thought of implementing it, so now I'm in debate as to what it will be: a yes or no or perhaps a culmination of both.... Yes No Maybe Oh well...

Dear Universe
I have left it in your hands.
 Regards
The Blogging Non-Blogger


In the hecticness that has been the past weeks I had an interesting conversation with a musician about our various crafts but more specifically what music does to the listener and how it can heal... I take my hat off to those who can relay emotions in a note, carry and build it up only to have it taper off in a candle whisper...

For a while I have not called myself a writer, ok maybe a lot longer than a while but hey... When I sit with musicians, those who can play instruments or those who sing, I find my spirit missing the conversations one has with an audience through their medium of choice for sharing.... Damn that's blessed. There is nothing more beautiful than a crowd taking in what you are giving and being moved beyond words as to where you have been in that moment, we all travel through space and time drinking from the same cup.
 Dear people who art
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for what you do.
Signed
A fan of what you do

Creativity is a wonderful space that the imagination inhabits bringing to life thoughts becoming the realm of possibility...

lessons learnt through listening

State of affairs is rough, this has been one emo' year snap....

There are so many deaths, every weekend there's a burial. Has one thinking where do we stand with God, us who remain behind? What are you doing for those that are around you?

Sometimes even a smile warms away three winter months wrote someone, I can't quite remember but whose words seem to ring truer with my growth each day. Too many friends and fam' have gone this year.

Death aside there have been wonderful moments in this year too....
A friend gave birth to a beautiful baby girl and another got married this past Friday on her birthday(we'll get back to this wedding for it's pearls of wisdom).  Another friend has started her nail business and some friends have found love and are sustaining it so well with God as their third person in their relationships...

We all seem to be growing spiritually and that is so blessed. We're finding that with each day in growing older we become wiser through the lessons experience taught us and will continue to teach us going forward.


Back to to my Girl's Wedding, this is what i picked up:

• The Pastor unpacked what being unfaithful is:

1. You can never look or touch another person other than your spouse and still be unfaithful
2. When you lose faith in your spouse, you become unfaithful
3. How to remain Faithful:

          - Remember to celebrate each others strengths 

           (focus on the good aspects each of you bring to your relationship)

         - Believe that one event does not corrupt a person's character

         - Have faith In GOD
           ( when you come to moments  where there are hurdles and mountain like obstacles that you
             can't handle then leave them with God.)

• #weddingwisdom ( the wisest old woman spoke & it made sense to my yet to be married self):

1.     Don't compete with your husband, men are afraid of competition.     
2. remember Love is not giving a spouse a comfy bed nor is it a plasma TV... 
3. People may say this marriage was made in heaven but remember that it is maintained here on earth
4. Ask your partner what they precisely meant from a statement instead of assuming
5. In your relationship do not listen to people wanting to tell you about your spouse's irregularities. Stop them in their tracks as they begin telling you stories or gossip stompies. 
6.  You and only you will know your husband!

 I grew up at this wedding realising that I had already somewhat come to these conclusions in having dated. If you cannot work through issues whilst you are dating someone and learn from each other's mistakes then i'm afraid marriage will be hard to live through. Be it a relationship or marriage throwing in the towel before you've tried working through issues is a no, no, no for you don't fully learn the lessons that come with each experience.

 Be yourself but remember that in a relationship as much as there is you or him (visa versa) as individuals that there is also a unit called us which encases each of you as one entity and within it the best solutions come from love, trust, faith, commitment, compromise and a willingness to see the union flourish into a beautiful flower or tree one day.

What is it with hell no's and attractions

So last night my girl and I are at this gig in a dodgy-ish tavern-ish / shebeen place where music was on point except for some random american-ish high note pulling stunts from a local chikita... now this girl was singin' old school sophiatown classics in keys that just did not match the songs....

But any-who the main act, could belt a mean ass tune in the tiniest body I've ever seen. Her legs would not make not even one of my very own legs, yeah I said it. Tjo!! Ok mara mosadi o, roko la hae...  ja ne... extremely tiny and dancin' on stage then... oh wait for it: she lifts up the already tiny creeper-upper black number. Another lady sitting with us asked what happened to class? Somebody behind our table said something close to ooh yikes she's showin' us her knickers... did i just see that?

Great night out all that aside the main attraction's voice is uber talent infested, God and the universe and those that came before her in her blood line done blessed her well.

So we decide to have a drink to end our night, first and last for that night.... then some random bloke says hi to a sister, ok i... bathong mona e o starts mackin on some your're beautiful, sister:thank you , ok. Hawu dude then proceeds to tell friend, in the background, she's the one I was telling you about, girl has blank look but greets friend... Next thing dudes are still chattin' so no drinking our drinks in piece damm.... sister to okes ok bye then dude turns aroun' to his scruffy-dirty-artist friend n says ka si zulu  hawu seyang xosha manje... dude turns back to a sister n says I coulda bought you your next drink, manje lomntwana uyang xhomela. No chick chatting to him side kick say ya uyaxhoma vele..... huh?! 

He e man dudes need to go back to school and learn how to mack a sister and dammet NO is NO... N just cause I said hello back to you does not mean I want your sorry ass mack.... Go back to school or go follow some gentlemen on social networking sites and learn etiquette for cryin' out loud.

what we take in

I've seen animals slaughtered under ten times in my life and it has irked me out, I must say... but that said it has not deterred me from my meat eating tendencies.

When I was younger we travelled for something or other to one of our family homes in the EC where live stock was to be slaughtered for feasting... I got to see the final moments of a sheep, suffice to say that, that sound it made upon it's last breath was and still is blood curdling and yet I still ate it's meat when it had been cooked.  It disturbed me to see that.

This year I was invited to a ceremony and before my eyes a chicken was knifed, blood splattering into an enamel bowl placed in the centre of someone's home, part of me couldn't look and part of me could but then again it made me ill to watch this, that was occurring in my presence. It made me uncomfortable but you know what: I still love my chicken!!!!!!!


I love my meat so much so that I could never become a rastafarian, vegan or any other thing that requires me not to eat meat, ok. Once a cousin of mine decided to go see how hamburgers were made, well upon her witnessing it she became vegetarian and wanted us to follow suit to go check it out, I refused.

On an Oprah rerun I watched this guy said: if you don't know how it is made you should not be eating it. Makes sense, yes, no, maybe... Reality is though that not all of us want to know how our meat is slaughtered and veganism is not for everyone but that said I do agree that we should be concerned with how living things die and that it should be stress-less. Healthier eating habits do need to be acquired. I'm finding healthier take away options and more and more greens making it onto my plate when dining out...

One of these days I might just be the salad ordering girl.....

penned

Sometimes I forget what it takes to do this blogging thing and other times I merely tire when I think it has to be done... Sharing your thoughts with the world or even five people to one is a major exercise...
I struggle to breathe my gifts sometimes.


" For Africa to me... is more than a glamorous fact. It is a historical truth. No man can know where he is going 
   unless  he knows exactly  where he has been and exactly how he arrived at his present place. " 
   - Dr Maya Angelou 


Dr Maya Angelou is one of my favourite writers and when I saw this quote it struck a nerve with me. There are so many things going on in the world, wars are being waged and marches staged, death tolls rise daily from various causes and poverty is still undefeated....

What is Africa to me? Who am I?


This question rings true through so many debates I happen to read through on twitter with discussions becoming overly heated as each person perceives their truth in being just. Amazingly though if you had to ask some Africans to participate in their own rituals they would out right refuse any partaking in such....
I don't know if I'm alone in wondering what is so wrong or unjust in the practices of our forefathers...

Yet I seem to wonder what on earth are we preserving as indigenous people of Africa of our heritage?
I am African because my umbilical chord is still attached to the placenta of this continent... I read something or a tweet, can't really remember where I saw this but to paraprhase and take liberties it said: I am African kuba xana ndizithutha ndizi tsala emva imvelaphi yabant aband'zalayo... my history is told in their existence, where they were from to where I am now, that resonated well with me.

I love my continent and I was born at it's southern most tip living at its edge...

Camagu

I would much rather
Speak earth affinity
Than to be political
Whilst people die
Of that which is
Considered taboo
I'd rather live with
The title of miss taboo
Than die ignoring
My existence
And what it was birthed for
Pretending truths don't exist
Doesn't at any given time
Make the truth untruthful
It makes it disappear
Only to reappear
Much stronger
And more vested
In ousting itself
You see truth knocks kindly
@ first
But after being denied
It begins to rudely intercept
That lie(s)
Becoming even more pronounced
With skeletons coming out to play

love letters

hello blog world it's been... hasn't it.
Well when last did you receive a letter, conventional or otherwise? the otherwise being an email or text notes...

Something that does not happen often these days is communicating. I watched The Talk the the other day, SA's a bit behind season wise, anyhow on this day the ladies of The Talk discussed how they communicate with their spouses via email or texting, one of the ladies said they used it as a tool to fight with their hubby, whilst some said they enjoyed the occasional email or text like enjoy your day or how is your day so far...

Yesterday what made my day is that i saw a tweet on one of my all time favourite songs by Mbongeni Ngema, that every black person calls ithambo lam lekentucky which is one of the lines in the song, the actual title being: Stimela sam sase Zola... the tweet was saying that every man should sign off the letter like that...

I listenedd to the song that flooded my early life partly due to the women of my family, Note: this was the time of cassette players and turntables, so my aunts had a cassette with one song recorded on it that song was Mbongeni Ngema's Stimela sam sase Zola...... #beautifulmemories of growing up

That song is such a beautifully articulated vernacular love letter in song....
talks of the woman being his umbrella shielding him from the sunshine... to saying i love you even when you"re spitting fire( ngikthanda nom uvutha baby).... He then says  you touch me and i rise like selfraising flour (wangthinta ndakhukhumala)... the song speaks of resting on her derrière after  a hard day's work (NGIYOPHUMULA KUWE EDAIRY)....

I sat listening to this song realising that it was one of my first ever love songs in vernac that i had heard as a child and just how i enjoyed listening to it playing  non-stop courtesy of the aunts whose favourite song it was at the time. I move to today's time and realise that men don't speak in this currency of value, appreciation is minimal of the women in their lives that said i don't believe all men are like this either.
i used to write letters and i miss that intimate space but more than anything i believe letter writing still has a space in this world of technological comm's....

Take time out and write a love letter to someone, it doesn't have to be romantically inclined but it could come from a place of love and filled with softness and kindness and good thoughts.

lost and found

so the time came when I finally finished the 2nd of five books bought in February of this year, it took me seven months to read Air by Geoff Ryman and not because it was boring but because I just didn't much feel like it... well when I bought these books it was just after working myself too hard on a project that was the most inspiringly fresh and for the most part fun to take on and for once it was in something I believed... empowering kids to tell their story through their gifts. This was a blessing for me and thank you to all who pushed me on that journey for it was awe inspiring to work on....

I bought five books: a biography on American President Barrack Obama, Air, Under The Frangipanni by Mia Couto, a biography on the model Alek Wek and We Are The Ones We Have Been Waiting for by one my favourite authors Alice Walker, which is book number four for me of the five. I read Mia Couto's book in less than five days after reading Air which I loved.

The most intriguing find about the books is that somehow their all about journeying and self discovery, spirituality and belief systems somehow  even though the stories differ... and to think I found a book sale whilst awaiting a friend for some bonding time, you see she was running late. But her being late is one of the greatest gifts she has given me in our friendship as it gave me back one of my favourite things to do in the whole world that I'd forgotten how to do, pretty much like how I have forgotten how to write.

 Writing again is thanks to the memory of my late sister and my late friend sunshine who have believed in my abilities when I have forgotten to believe in them myself as well the numerous people I have in my life who still believe in my writing power...

I guess I am finding my feet again in the things that make me happy whilst embarking on a new journey that will hopefully best yield greater harvests of lessons learned and love lost only to be found and growing with each new rising sun...

smack Bang BOOM

Uhm Ja Nhe... Why we do not go out 101:

Some sights just scream Gall! We were entertained by the sight of two girls dancing on the side of the road by themselves as music played from a car not far from where they were positioned; we thought awesome their just having fun on their own terms.... Until the two young lasses started dancing in the middle of the road in front of the entrance of this local township drinking hole, they were now primarily stopping traffic especially in front of the sexier, sleeker German made model vehicles... to our horror as we watched these two girls clad in weaves and itsy-bitsy skirts in the not so expensive versions of the current fashionista styles, the German made sedan they had gyrated to a halt appeared to have been full of elderly males who seemed perhaps over 40ish, married and highly devoted to his family life and church....

In the haze of this we had stopped there to show someone not from our city the tavern life in the township, the person had just moved to the city...

As our friends arrived to coax us into a night out on the town in the 'burbs, amidst our hellos and joviality... a small green car blazing out music caught our attention and as we turned to look, we soon saw:

a girl in the front seat grind dancing, bumping up and down evocatively whilst looking in the direction of her friends in the back seat who were dancing just as hard. Now by the time the car had approached the front of the drinking hole the girl in the passenger seat's rear clad in an itsy-bitsy skirt was out her window now and gyrating towards the crowd of pub crawlers and then the car halted with the girl opening her door and dancing smack- bang in the middle of the street....

Our jaws dropped to the floor and heads shaking in disbelief at the sight we'd just seen as the shock was settling, the moaning disbelief began....

Wow, how things have changed in night life... Which society are we emulating? I realised how quickly the dynamics of night life had changed with my need not to go out and about and be around town, painting it red. Society has not taken a stand. Where have values gone? Who are we and what will the world be like for our kids if right now in your 20s what you are seeing is the age of girls out at night getting younger and younger with the debauchery getting wilder and wilder, seeing a rise in teen pregnancies and substance abuse... the penny's dropping at lightening speed whilst we still think it's still a million miles from hitting rock bottom fast as it continues to decline and depreciate like wall street stocks on a bad day. We are in a bigger recession, this one is out to kill societal value systems with the words: I'm allowed; you are not the boss of me; I can handle it and the sucker punch: this is how the world is now...

the movement

sometimes all we need is sometimes
where the entirety of our beings
is encased by freedoms
the spirit lives beyond
the binding chains
each seeks their own
claim to self
and sometimes
lose self to find the varied pattern
that is themself
sometimes the sun glistens
long enough
for the earth to give s/outs
as it cracks open
its secrets
sometimes
we are one
separate yet inseparable
yet other times
we remain clueless
in our conscious casings
wrapped in materialisms
forgetting
the essence of living
and when sometimes comes out to play
we fight ourselves to keep
the illusion of wealth
moving
so the mirage becomes our reality
but man....
could we not live in the other times
so sometimes could be our serenity...
wisdom unravels that
you need the other times
to appreciate the sometimes more

twitterverse

upon opening my twitter today I found the most interesting baby names convo started by @Anele...

as I scrolled down her tweets to find where it all began i bumped into her tweet about  how she dreamt of Kenya yet she had never been there before... the replies to this from twitterverse inhabitants were of course vast....

and so @Anele Anele Mdoda  tweeted :

African country names make great children names as well hey, Kenya, Egypt, Zambia, Mali, Ghana ,Libiya * yes I would* Morrocco.

what do we call our children...

we are all looking to name our kids one day. some of the names people tweeted were Mali, Chad for a boy and Ethiopia for a girl... another twiterverse being suggested Sierra-Leone...

I felt a wave of nostalgia with this topic as it keeps recurring... Baby names... baby names have meaning and the name you give to your baby sticks or adds value to their persona... in African culture a child could have their name being one word or their name can be a phrase like mine (the name of this very blog).  

It is important however to look at what things mean before you name your baby because there are a couple of kids who upon finding out what their names in essence mean are quite unhappy. Celebrities took to naming their kids apple and all sorts of things.

 Someone happened to tweet back to Anele about their name being chad and how it came about, they were not quite impressed with being named chad purely because there was unrest in  Chad in the time of their arrival on this earth. I think Chad should consider himself lucky, Black kids named during apartheid well... have names like Amabhuluanyile... really not nice so many years into freedom... spare your kids please... or at least be able to have some sentiment or great story your kids can tell, hopefully one that will be timeless...

lyrical fascination and interpretation #1

Goose-bumped all over my being listening to Thandiswa Mazwai sing about who she is in the short track titled: Bomvana... this song depicts who her people are in essence...

She talks about how as uBomvana you do things as your mom and dad do which in Xhosa reads: Bomvana nenjenje nje ngoyise noyihlo... She talks of how when she moves the earth moves and how her mom told her she can bring it any time... I get this bringing it as being encouraged to have the will to do anything, being a force to be reckoned with in the world. This song is sung in isiXhosa and in English

one of ms Mazwai's songs is titled: Abenguni... in it she further speaks of the people who make her who she is and tells of her people's history and the different groups that make up who her people are. She further talks of not walking alone which puts emphasis on old beliefs that those who have had a people precede them never walk alone in this life. They are always protected by their lineage, their descendants.

She tells a story with distinct rhythm that emulates her soul's belief in unison.

the unthought thought always thought

uhm there's a lot of earth departures currently, so much so that i wonder if there is ever a traffic jam that leads to the wrong turn? #justathought

I find that so many things are taking shape and we are caught in between because the unknown is unexplainable... catch22 perhaps...

what do we know for sure and what is it that we so trust beyond the realm of possibilty? how sure are we that what we think does not exist, does not exist at all...

do the dead speak a lingo that's refused and do they know God's whereabouts/

are there so many questions seeking answers yet the ones we find seem like not the naswer at all, what happens then if we have not heard what God is intending upon our life....

there's a battle that's stood the test of time as to which beliefs stand true, this one never ceases to exist. it's greatest answers are found within.

i wish not to delve into an abyss of nothingness yet once again i think to self that surely what one should seek to do is to live the best life intended by the universe through the various paths we choose to walk... each path has choices assigned to it yet one should always weigh up how it would best affect them, can we live with the repercussions of our actions and into which direction they steer us...

living is the hardest thing for experience is it's teacher....

listen to your inner voice that speaks volumes, gut never lies.

uhm may needs to 'fess up as to what happened to her...

 like really No Blog posts in her month...

I have seen and felt so much in the month or so that I have not been blogging, experience is a beautiful pain that stretches you to your limits and back often going beyond what you would think is your reserve tank capacity.

I have been reminded of Thandiswa Mazwai's song where she sings: Are the beautiful ones really dead... yet again as death swooped in and stole yet another friend or two or three. Death is constant, yet it is not what we should concern ourselves with but much rather how we go forth and live each day. None of us are perfect and it is our very imperfections that set us apart in the world.

I was also reminded of the grime that exists in the world and how candidly it sits up right and proper so pronounced for all to see, validating its self importance above the wholesomeness of old. Oh how the world has changed....

I remember once being asked why I would want to have a kid in this world that is radically deteriorating? I thought how absurd and unjust a question it was at the time yet now I'm unsure. There's a lot of darkness in this world while society often sits quietly letting it plunder, leaving the goodness ravaged. How did we get to the point where we have to be scared to walk our streets because the value of a life has depreciated so much so it has become valueless to another life?

Can we gain what we have lost or mend the broken pieces? when do we say enough is enough, my community has a right to feel safe!

dankie ma se kind

Thank you to the ones that came before me, who made this day a possibility so I could touch a pc scripting my thoughts to not be confined to paper... I am not lost for I am an African.

This root called freedom still has plenty to go, to fight, to tell, to see, to feel so it can one day touch more than just the history book orientated child of it's land. I celebrate it by exercising my choice to do or not do because I am free and my journey continues...

Thank you to every mother, father, child, teenager and grandparent that was moved enough to take part in the various uprisings that have led to this very day in mzantsi. If it were not for your decision to do something, anything however little in your corner then perhaps my people, our people would still be shackled by the chains of a diminishing rule that has left many a scar...

Dear Freedom
May Azania find you fully so that the healing she needs can take place so she can rightfully stand upright in the very world that found her to be worth plundering and disorientated to her natural wealth's value of beauty. Let Azania be Queen of her own space so that her offspring may be found living.

Can you be visible and clear enough for the uneducated to understand that you exist in choice. Can the educated buy a clue to realise long enough that theirs is to light up the world and become beacons of hope where they are at so that the whole glows brighter producing better fruits.

signed:
an Azanian child
with the hopes of a united tomorrow
to see a developed future for generations to come...

I think I'm late...

But it's ok. Hello Easter wend (weekend), you are divine.

I have made the most blessing discovery for me in music ministry... Deitrick Haddon. I discovered him in the movie, Blessed and Cursed and oh, man what a powerful voice he has. I have been listening to him since I found his actual albums online.

... oh snap I said I'm late didn't I... Well....

I'm late in discovering such a find. He reminds me of my cousin who sings like a dream and a friend or two here and there, he has prompted me to let them know that they are so blessed and that they too are called to minister with their talents. It is so important to realise and use the gifts you were given at birth or the ones you find come so naturally to you for they fulfil your purpose in this life that you live.

Things are so connected and some messages are recurring or become blatantly obvious as to what must be done in this your, mine, our life times. I sat at two different spiritual gatherings and the message was the same that we should not wait for great people to move the world but to find ourselves moving the world in our remote corners however insignificant we may deem our efforts, we may find that a little goes a long way.

Let us be the change we wish to see in the world. Can we help a little at a time where we are and perhaps the people we help will pay the blessings forward just like in the movie: Pay It Forward or in the exercise Oprah once did where she moved some of her audience members to start a blessing chain.

In the past few weeks I have been moved by the following scriptures:

Mark 5:31 and Romans 8:18 (p.s. to my drinkin friends it's not 18:18, now tl tl tl...)

Psalm 51: 1- 14

Love and Light... the universe blesses.... be that shining star where you are no matter the littlest glow you emit it makes a difference in the darkness where there is none at all....

spectrum

The most amazing things happen silently while you are looking straight at 'em. The things we know, we numb out sometimes for their reality is too sharp to face, perhaps we hit the tar road only to see it as  a gravel one...

We find the fork in the road.

We see the world but when some things occur in our paths we are awakened to life's hidden treasures, allowed into another viewing room that sees things in colours painted by the universe as they are meant to be seen. Doors open wide and many a question arise, as each new gift is gifted.

We often say things and see most as insignificant or wow, some only to unremember them thrown in that subconscious box of keep sakes never to be to be opened 'til the great I am says it is time. As we grow it becomes evident that nothing happens for no apparent reason and that which seems truly arb finds its fitting place in the puzzle and the picture becomes clearer.

The truest colours settle and rainbows are redefined.

The fork in the road becomes experience with the choices it presents. Can I find the awareness needed to live the divine life at it's best? There's a greater purpose to walking this earth, will I leave it saying I have lived it?
The Colours have shifted yet again, I'm more awake than asleep now... But tell me shall I believe the truest essence as it comes into being. the journey now says: You cannot deny that which you are and who you are meant to be in this life time. It may seem the darkest hours are upon you yet the sun shines still in your midsts and as you lift your head up high a kaleidoscope of colour touches your being and  you are moved beyond measure to the wonders of the universe.

your soul is precious, it says: I matter most, this is my light beaming love.

A Letter to My Sunshine 7 April 2011

Who would ever have thought
that one day
Cetekazi
I would sit
writing
to bid thee farewell
my darling friend
You who nourished my soul
with your rays
I cannot undream this,
I know.
That you
shall not blink
smilingly my way
just one last time...
You loved us
with all your soul
How befitting
that the mocker in you
would choose to leave
on April Fool's
It is oh, so chilly
without you
It was on the greyest of days
that you left
this earth
What a void you have left
in all our hearts
But because you have loved us
it will get better with time...
Somewhere within us
we know you are happier now
And your soul is finding peace.
I bet everyone there
now knows who you are
I feel you still
in the love and warmth you exude
Your spirit lives
And your love is planted
 in our hearts
May the God of love
 be with you

undoing

Uhm, I gotta let you go somehow...

Back at one...
I had my ears pierced on holiday in Pretoria when I was younger, we journeyed  by train to get there, I was younger than five year's old then. Yet I remember that pain like it was yesterday...

And somehow after all the screaming, my first pair of gold stud earrings were on my ears and little me looked cute. But somehow I could never keep a pair of earings, I was always losing one or both without ever realising it. Sometimes I'd lose 'em whilst I was sleeping but would never find my butterfly.

So for the most part of my life I'd stop getting earings and be content with not wearing them at all... I lost my silver stud in a car, never to be found again yet somehow the butterfly was safely tucked under my ear. For whatever reasons for a while the earring fairy has allowed me to not lose any thank goodness but...

Lately little by little it has crept in again yet this time I can feel the earring slip and sometimes I am lucky enough to see it fall or feel the butterfly drop off from it's mark... but as if that's not enough, every once in a while my ear disagrees with the earrings that adorn it and my ears begin to hurt a little for a while so I take them off and forget about 'em but when I do it's a battle to get my earrings in... My ears close the piercing holes.

Today I felt one slip again and I realised I somehow have to stop trying now. I want to suck it up and be all grown up about it but it's taken me so long to fall in love with 'em that it's kinda hard not to put any on... so I'll keep 'em safe for now 'til we love each other again.


P.S. Please let this feuding stop, I want my pretty earrings back!!!!!

educating self with i

this road we journey upon
you and I, me
trip on each discovery
self debilitating
only to find I
in dreams lived
thine essence breathed
birthed to live
no step taken
has been utterly  useless
we have bled us to
 gather me again
never been any happier
than in this now now
rhythm
trusting
that this is it
light has never lost i

An Ode to the #LateNateDogg

I woke up to tweets about the late Nate Dogg, it felt like I was being punked and somebody, anybody would say it was a mistaken assumption yet that aside a part of me feels like we have been here before... no this is real yet so surreal...

thegame R.I.P. Nate Dogg. Why does it take Death to remind us about the importance of life ??? Cherish every moment cuz tomorrow he mite call your #

We are treasures and sometimes we are so busy going about our own paces we forget that other people existed. In 140 characters the most beautiful-est things are shared and we remember your greatness in an instant for we are now hit by the most unifying thing that exists, death, as its shock waves leave ripples that cross the sea of divide binding it with the pain. How mutually we coexist with it amongst us.

SnoopDogg We lost a true legend n hip hop n rnb. One of my best friends n a brother to me since 1986 when I was a sophomore at poly high where we met

We are in a space of hurt and memory capsules open up to reveal that which we have cherished in each other.

MonicaMyLife 2 The late Nate Dogg's Family Know The Lord is close 2 thebrokenhearted & saves those who are crushed in spiritPsalm 34:18....Stay Strong

We are comforted by words of compassion.

Death touches us different and makes us realise that the hustle is continual, reminds us of those we have lost closest to us when someone else dies. And sometimes we get so crushed even though the person who has recently passed was further from our immediate lives but because we are created human: we breathe and feel the pain as our own. None of us can take away the journey those closest to Nate Dogg have now embarked upon, may God be with them as affirmed by Monica in her Psalms tweet.

Nate Dogg lives on in all that he shared of himself as an artist in music with us, the world, this is best expressed by Erykah Badu a.k.a @fatbellybella...

 fatbellybella 

Nate Dogg... freshness period. rest in beats.

as the battle goes

when the misfit in me smiles
the sun shines
and the universe waves
it's magic upon a being
the ones that lived before me
walk with me now
every so often
the heavens open up
with my very step
and all that exists in radiance
is happiness
no matter how bleak
the pronouncement of my existence is
definable
you cannot mistake my presence
as i enter...
the hows and whys are not of my concern
but it is as it is
so i wave back,
nod
and smile
for the universe touched me
as i walk on by
and the wind whispers
you are as the heavens
intended
and so the rain
serenades me in blessings
i exist in the greater scheme
of things
and each battle
one by one, by one
breaks me
only to rebuild
a far greater fortresses
you see
 i am light in love

Culturally mesmerized

I'm an avid Venda Soap watcher a.k.a Muvhango; I remember its first season when the role of Edward was initially played by none other than DJ Glen Lewis... I remember when the late Lindiwe Chibi, may her soul rest in peace, used to be the character Doobsie and you were hooked on her every line convinced that, there was nothing but utter hate or disregard for her arch nemesis Nomthandazo... some of the characters have since left the soap yet it's essence still remains steadfast.

If you have watched the soap even for a little bit you would know that, it is centered around the African roots and culture of the Vha Venda folk of Limpopo, around chieftaincy issues, intermarriages, intercultural connections, perceptions and decisions as well as the battle of old customs, healers and prophecy. This is all set in modern day South Africa with the battles and demons our society deals with...

Someone once said to me that the set of the soap often mimicked the script in reality. If a car accident or death was scripted it would happen to one of the crews members....

There has always been a link to the reality and message portrayed in and by dreams through the years as well as the unexplainable happenings that most would deem impossible to occur, I seem to learn something knew about other cultures each time I watch... and lately my favorite character has become Mulamisi, the character who dated and predicted the death of his beloved Lufuno, who is now growing more noticeable within the story line yet his is an interesting story. He possesses and denies his gift of prophecy or healing but it is slowly taking over his world in his most treasured art, painting, for he paints what he sees in his dreams. As if that is not enough he now cannot stop but tell those who do not wish to hear the truth, the truth as it shall occur should they not heed his words. 

What do you wonder about the truth that you intrinsically know is just?

lest we forget

Hello world...

So much is happening and yet so little is being shown. There's an outcry still about Gaddafi's Libyan rule in our mists and rightly so, some people are starting their own political parties in SA on social networking sites, perhaps to take a jibe at one that's just been formed and has backing. There's a group that reckons that Cape Town should become independent of SA, well it partly is... Cape Town has it's own feel to it... Then I noticed someone start their own party called DAD on twitter... Utterly hilarious yes and no... There's a need for South Africans to stand up for themselves...


But I wonder how if our education system's so atrocious, the underprivileged child still battles to get a half decent education amidst their circumstance. Our standards have dropped and value systems keep shattering, and the rise of violence steepens, once good communities now suffer from a surge of thuggery and violent acts... A weekend does not end without a shooting or death... You kinda have to worry or be uneasy if a stray bullet will not hit you... This past sunday as many were mourning the death of a friend, a girl got shot by a stray bullet and died... How ominous, A Death at a Funeral. That girl left home to pay last respects to a friend and now she is no more, may her soul Rest In Peace. May her family find solitude in that she is now at peace despite the timing or unseemlyness of it all.

It's the little things we have chosen to forget as society, the how to dress at a funeral, the value of self amongst a crowd. I once got to a popular spot to find someone had been executed and life was going about it's merry way, some were still drinking and others discussin' their own business, we can attribute it to a form of shock perhaps. But the biggest shocker was this: when we had arrived it had been a while since the incident had taken place and when we left the body was still lying there, I have no idea when it was picked up... But it disturbs me that the value of a life is not as precious as it used to be...

Hurrah

Girl talk was so all over yesterday... the last week saw more visits with my real time friend where pretenciousness does not exist. We are our selves and that is all that matters. We laugh so hard even when the hurt is at it's peak discovering that luaghin' at our own situations heals far better than being told lies that do not articulate really well what transpired when it all decided to roll a little to the left.

Lessons learned made some sense and the morning's teachings were sinking in, church was just a breeze that was much needed in the scorching wake of realities... What hit hard were the following statements made:

"God wants to bless our lives through the agreement made." - this is the covenant you make with God in your you time, or through prayer.


"It's not what we are running from that blesses us but where we are running to."



" Keep your faith simple, don't over analyse."



"Nothing that happens should change your relationship." - be unconditional

After which a stroll to find nourishment ensued and all bistros and restaurants were closed till 12pm which was a bummer 'cause it was way before time and we were famished so we settled for the spot I'd vowed never again I'd step foot in 'cause it is always open for business. It is good to have places you can count on. We sat dowm and ordered our coffees and our meal and proceeded to move to an outside table...

Little did we know that it would be an open day for all round counsel at the spot on the pavement verandah... Girl talk was on the cards with many a laugh and cheer and heartache stories in the in between... Pretty girls shared their stories and laughed. We,my girl and I, listened to another girl's story, whether we knew her or not, in that moment we were her friends, laughing and sharing. The sun was out, shining and we had smiles on our faces and the heartiest of laughs.
We had love in light and the darkness did not matter much for the day was just.

something to share

I  did not have words to share but in remembering love I remembered some of the lessons I had learnt along the way and posted almost two years ago... I  am no guru but I have learnt some things along the way and I know I am still to learn even more along the way...

My facebook stat update 15 July 2009 

Stat update:  I've learnt that sometimes we love the wrong people and hold onto them at the cost of ourselves, that more often than not we like far more than we actually love and that sometimes we refuse to learn the lessons no matter how much they get regurgitated

what continued to unfold in my words as they cascaded into the comment box... 

That sometimes love can hurt not because we do not love yet because we often over think the things that don’t even matter, so we get it wrong when it’s right. Love loves understanding, patience, honesty with whole truths told, it thrives best with, leaps of faith no matter the obstacles it plunges head 1^st into, it relishes in the us factor more than the individual’s needs. Love loves past the obscure inefficiencies of the one who’s loved to see the goodness in heart.

It sees light in the darkness.

I’m reflecting honestly to that which I’ve honestly learnt whilst in the game of relationships. I’ve learnt in hindsight that even the bad relationships were too good for the lessons learnt along the way. That all that I’ve learnt has made me more certain of what it is that I’d like going forward. That there is no complexity in relationships except that which we create by not being completely honest with expectations or those things that we choose not to bend or compromise on with those we wish to share our lives with like morals, etiquette or common courtesy we expect and as well as the value we put upon our own personal worth’s.

Loving someone means understanding that which they are yet that gets hard when all that is brought into light to one’s knowledge is not all there is to the one being loved.

the question that gets asked over many a time...

With each new search of self, we move further apart from the truth and the scripted becomes reality... Of the many forgotten truths our story lines stop telling tales of where we have been to get to here and honey loses its sweetness to mimic the bitter taste of ashes. How surreal is this that the ones born now seek knowledge of their yesteryear... Ndi nguban ndivelaphi, okhokho babesithin mandulo... mvelaphi yam ngokuzithutha nditsala ncambo ziphi na?

 

Family trees and broken histories do not give insight into the realities sought... Who am I? young black child, the sex is irrelevant for the distortment of our stories is intertwined. So "I cry Freedom" but have no true knowledge of what really transpired between our forefathers. Where were our roots first planted, is my lineage's umbilical chord rested near the heart of Azania? Is this dream of my land that exists merely in my mind? I saw a sign that read: "The African Dream" it was neon green at a jazz club and I wondered what that was, the African dream I mean, we are walking against the tide and freedom is well, are we really free?

 

If I had to look further than my nose and dig deeper into me would I like the knowledge I find. Would I hate udakkie wa-beyond these confined borders of my conjured up state of mind or better yet would I see me purely reflected back at me? I am here because of those that walked the walk many moon miles ago, they gave birth to those that birthed those that eventually gave birth to the ones that bore me and I too shall one day be them who will be a Khokho to those that come into being in the future...

 

My roots are African, a little mixed because this, my land has been raped many a time that no-one even bothered to keep count yet the signs are telling subliminally but mostly ignored. Nna ke mang? Am I this person journeying towards the unknown, who is realizing the importance of the knowledge of one’s lineage? They say: “You cannot know where you are going, if you don not know where you have been.”

  I do not know who first uttered these words other than that they have been uttered. Some things need the resounding sound of echoes, one of them is you and I.

 

Batho ba ko hae ba kae? Even belief systems now need the why. We, you, I, she, he, me, him or her have deep entrenched roots that should be recorded. History books tell only a part or parts of: The Story. Uncover and impart your truths unto paper and make sure that your story is rightly written so that those born of your loins have their history down in text to look up and tell their young of the journey.

The ones that came before me played their part in me. As I represent each of them in me,they created me different by the stripes of their creator and thus I was born an African. I am different yet the same to the man I pass by on the street corner. Our journeys differ but our pasts are intertwined because those that lived before us crossed paths somewhere somehow so this is not quite different. Hello to you there in your youness. I am me but these chords within me cannot let you pass by without a hello ‘cause our history binds us.

  I can say no more than I am me, translated it sounds better to my tongue: Ndi ndim. Something in me seeks the natural, a rhythm that unfolds untainted but being.